Saturday, February 2, 2013

Shoplifting and Other Weekend Activities

Apparently, I am a late-blooming kleptomaniac.
Personally, I am leaning more towards old age rather than a social disorder, but I cannot claim I am rehearsing for a role like Winona tried to pull off when she was arrested for shoplifting in 2001.
For those who do not remember, our little Winona (Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice) was caught with $5,500 in clothes and accessories from Saks. They did not belong to her, and she did not pay for them. Her attorney, Mark Geragos (where have we heard that name before?), said it was all a misunderstanding. She was preparing for an acting role. Yeah, acting like a criminal. Geragos, in case anyone wants to know, was the attorney for the likes of Michael Jackson, Scott Peterson and others.

What I can claim is that I am totally forgetful. This is, of course, after I starting taking a vitamin for mental alertness; One a Day with Guarana Blend. My bottle must have been short on the mental alertness part. In addition, this is life after menopause.
I have been experiencing a recent bout of forgetfulness that has been comical in some respects and downright frightening in others. I have forgotten clothes in the dryer. At least the dryer was in my home and not a Laundromat. I am continually stopping and trying to remember what I was doing. One day I put stew meat in the crock pot and forgot to plug it in; I did remember to turn it on.
Now, apparently, I am forgetting to pay for items at the store.
My first bout with this was five gallon jugs of water that I refilled. I paid for the rest of the groceries, but did not see fit to let the girl know that I had this water in my cart. I walked out to my truck and loaded my groceries. Then I stood and frowned at the water. There was something I was forgetting. So, it went. I scoured my receipt, and then went in to pay for my water.
We all laughed, hahaha; happens to everyone.
Well, now I no longer pay for makeup either.

The worse part of walking out to the truck with these groceries was the thought process that went through my head as I noticed the small container of blush sitting in the basket next to my purse. My first thought – now, this how the brain works – was, “why did that guy bagging my groceries put the blush in my purse? That is odd”.
What a nice guy he was.
I know where the thinking came from; it came from being asked if I wanted to put something in my purse anytime I buy something small like chapstick or a candy bar. But, I have yet to have someone actually PUT that item into my purse.
I did the long walk of shame back into the store and went to the counter to pay for the blush.
She laughed, hahaha; happens to everyone.
I did not laugh. I told her at this rate, I will be walking out of here with an entire cart of groceries that I did not pay for by June.
Hahaha, happens to everyone.